Shadow Boxing Part 2


I’ve really been struggling with this one. Events in my life have triggered it yet again, and triggers are what bring me here. For me, trust was always built through honesty. Can I believe in you? Are you being truthful? How is it I’m so distrustful at times? I wonder how it can be that I struggle to trust the people closest to me but I can trust a complete stranger. I remember being told so many years ago that I’m too trusting. I shouldn’t be so trusting of people the way I am. I remember thinking and wondering why? Why shouldn’t I trust people? I’ve always trusted everyone unless they prove otherwise. I was told I was naive. I believe it has been experiences that have brought me to the point of my inability to trust those closest to me. It turns out they’ve been the most real I suppose. They’ve shown their true selves through words and actions that have proven that I can’t trust them. Strangers, on the other hand, haven’t given me proof otherwise so I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, that is until they prove themselves otherwise.

I just realized that I also need to look at the times in my past when I didn’t trust those closest to me. That’s a big neon sign if I’ve ever seen one. Where else in life did I learn that I couldn’t trust others that are closest to me? Well as soon as I started to look, it didn’t take me but a second to realize that yet again, my childhood. I’ve stopped spending too much time searching for answers anymore, I go straight there. I couldn’t trust my parents. The two adults that were in charge of protecting me, loving me, and raising me, had taught me not to trust almost immediately. I couldn’t trust them to keep me safe or love me. This definitely ties into relationships.

How can I trust my life partner? It isn’t so much that it’s automatic that I don’t trust him or my children as much as the fact that I hear lies and see behavior and it all goes downhill from there. I truly struggle to build trust again. How can I ever believe they are telling the truth again, even if they are? At this point, I hear, ‘they were intended to be your mirror. ‘What do you not trust about yourself?’ That’s an easy one, to make choices and make or take the correct actions. At this point, my mind returns to the end of my previous entry about pressure. I’m also hearing yet again to ‘give myself grace’. I wonder if I’m hearing that so much lately because for as frequently I’ve been hearing it, it must have been just as frequent that I was being hard on myself, not giving myself grace.

‘Remember, it isn’t only my lesson. They have lessons around the same topic. The best way to forgive is to not forget they all have their work and journey in this life. Stop trying to make them BE what you need and allow them to work through their shit too. It’s easier to forgive and move forward with that thought’.

So this brings three entries into full circle now.

Pressure is relieved when you realize that the best choice is to let go and let God. Let the universe, or shall we say, trust the universe, God, or whatever your belief system may be, to provide help and guidance.

Not all choices need to be made by you. Take the pressure off yourself. Trust the universe will help you. Allow others to make their own choices and remember it’s their journey too.


Let Go

Let Be

It’s their karma to either clear or create.

I will say this much after being given all that information. I can give it up to the universe but I don’t have to stick around and become part of their Karmic battle. I can choose to leave them in the dust to either continue to smolder and burn until they choose to rise as the Phoenix, if they ever do. I will not burn with them. I go through my own regeneration and it’s difficult enough, I’m not playing in theirs or their games. There’s a difference between offering support and guidance. Calling them out and challenging them to be better vs being dragged down into the ashes with them. I saw something on social media that said, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. No matter what they say, believe what you observe them doing and showing you.

Originally Posted 08/29/2021

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