I was speaking with a friend who commented that being a parent over the years limited his personal hobbies to the point where he wasn’t even sure what his interests were anymore. I started to respond, and the following information unexpectedly flowed.
I understand how being a parent affects knowing yourself, or is it more like finding yourself?
I’ve found that we are one person when we open the door to a part of our life that will run deep through time, and at times, ravage the mind and body from the dedication, to what grows out of walking through that door. One day, that time, life, and the person you thought you were, will come to an end.
At some point, after walking through that door, you unknowingly lose yourself, or maybe on some level, you may have realized that you don’t know yourself or the people around you anymore. You chose to bury it and hide behind the person you thought you were, the people you thought loved you, and the only role you’ve lived and allowed yourself to be.
All things come to an end.
One day, the door closes to that part of your life, and the entire existence you knew is gone.
You’ve stepped into the void, a space between two doors. The old you who you thought you were and the person you’re yet to be. Did you really create the person you were, or did you allow others in your life to create who you were to fit their expectations?
If you look back on the person you were when you opened and walked through that door, was that truly you as well, or was that the life you lived and the people you grew up with that unconsciously shaped you into who you were? Yes, you had hobbies and people and things you liked to surround yourself with, but is that because of who you were shaped into? If you didn’t truly know who you were, can you be sure that those people and things were what you chose?
This is the void. The space between the time of who you were, to now searching for who you want to be, and who you’re truly meant to become. Sometimes, that void feels more like limbo, as if time has stopped. You may mourn who you were, the people, life, and the identity you lost, and for each person, that time varies. The void will only close if you take that next step into your search for self, or latch onto another identity or group of people who will shape you into what they want you to be to satisfy their expectations (that’s what you call taking the easy way out).
How do you become that person when you don’t know who you are or who you’re meant to be? In that space, for the first time, you face yourself and ask the questions. Who am I? What do I want to do with the rest of my life? How do I find these answers? It can be a fearful lonely place to be if you don’t believe you have support and people to lean on.
If you had support and people around that you would expect to be there for you, would those individuals allow your becoming? You may find that they won’t and it may result in friction rising between you and the falling away of those who won’t support you because they cannot accept that change if it affects their needs, wishes, and ideas of reality.
You will find parts of you that you’ve buried because you were afraid that you wouldn’t fit in or be accepted for who you are, what you believe, who you wish to be, or what you’ve wanted to say. You’ll realize that you haven’t always, if ever, spoken your truth. You become upset over the judgments of others as you start to come out of your cocoon. Why are they treating me this way? What’s wrong with them? Why are they changing? Where and why are my friends and family falling away?
On the other side of that, they don’t understand what’s happening to the person they knew you to be from their perspective. You were a different person to each of them. Consider that they may not be changing. The world may not be changing. Consider that either knowingly or unknowingly, you’ve walked through that next door and out of the void. You’ve started to wake up to who you are as you discover what’s hidden within you. You begin to evolve into something more than the roles you’ve played. You begin to question everything and can’t go back to that life and who you were because it’s no longer who you were meant to be.
You had a place in the world and the lives of those around you until you were no longer needed for who you were and no longer fit into the dynamics of the life that engulfed and buried you. It kept you from forming into who you would become. You never had a chance. You were molded for the world from the first breath.
Now stop breathing for the world around you. Inhale, discover, nurture, heal, and Become. Then Exhale your truth, the beauty of who you’re meant to be, and become more of who you truly are as you breathe for yourself.
You will find your new life in a new world, with others who are also finding this new place in their lives and who, like you, are discovering and Becoming. They will truly support you by holding the space needed for each of you to grow and be accepted without forcing each other to accept a version and truth of who you should be and what you should believe.
No one is right, and no one is wrong. No way is better than the other. Believe in oneself and believe in another. Celebrate yourself and celebrate everyone. Cherish and honor the time you need and your differences. Love yourself and love each other. There are no differences but only uniqueness.
Be beautifully you, and as you come together, you are the beautiful masterpieces of Life
Of the Universe
Of the One
Of Love
Peace Be with You All
Silent Waters 